very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
