we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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