I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize