the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
