Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
