i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
