he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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