he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
