I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
