Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
