I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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