I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
