Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
