We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I didn't notice because vodka
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
