I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
