Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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