that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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