Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize