today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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