I think I am morally bankrupt
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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