i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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