You can't special order awesome
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
His nipple licking is glorious
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