shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
