I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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