I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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