I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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