Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
