Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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