I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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