I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
