So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
