you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
