Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I believe in your delicious
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
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