he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
