I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
