what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
