I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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