I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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