I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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