I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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