just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
