Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
