No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
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