Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize