Will you blow on my dice?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
