why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
