I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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