4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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