Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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