OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
