I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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