You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
