VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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