he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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