when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
