I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
