Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
