I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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