grandma shit on top of the toilet
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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