Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
