Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
