so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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