His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
