Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
